Call Back Later
by Anzhela D Asura
Summary: When Mihawk fails to turn up for an obligatory Shichubukai meeting, Sengoku calls him. Unfortunately, he's otherwise occupied at one of Shanks' famed parties. Hilarity ensues when the remaining Shichibukai get the wrong idea... OneShot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DirectionallyChallengedKenshi!


**Call Back Later!**

* * *

Sengoku frowned as he looked at the last unoccupied chair in the room. It was the first- and probably only- obligatory meeting in which _all _of the seven Shichibukai had to attend. He was not the only person agitated at Mihawk's absence; Crocodile was tapping his hook on the meeting table impatiently while Doflamingo was tiredly forcing two marines to murder each other in the room next door.

"Damn it, Hawk Eyes! The one time we _need _you to show up, you don't bother!" the Fleet Admiral growled, "Oi, Garp, wake up!"

Said Vice-Admiral continued on snoring, provoking Tsuru to whack him over the head with the bible that she had just stolen off Kuma.

"I would appreciate it if you were to return my bible to me, Vice-Admiral," the cyborg deadpanned.

Boa Hancock, who had stayed silent thus far, took the opportunity of a distraction to strike up a conversation with Jinbe.

"So, how is Whitebeard these days?" she asked, not moving her gaze from the ceiling.

"He's well, planning an attack on the Marine HQ soon, with the Red-Haired Pirates."

"Whaaat?" Sengoku spat out his cookies that he had stolen off Garp.

"Yeah, haven't you heard? He seems a bit pissed that you guys haven't been paying enough attention to him. God, its all been 'Dragon this', and 'Dragon that'."

"Ah, how is that son of mine?" Garp laughed.

"Garp! That was supposed to be a secret!"

"Oh well then... Forget it! BWAHAHAHA!" Garp let out a snort of laughter as he noticed their collective shock.

"This is enough! Why do I feel like myself and Tsuru are the only sane people in the room?"

"Because you are," everyone else chorused.

"In this room, the most highly-ranked people are gathered. If you can't even turn up to the meetings, how are the people of this world, meant to have faith in us?"

"They don't," Doflamingo replied, "We just make them shit their pants. Fufufufu!"

"You have a point," Crocodile replied, while the other members of the room stared in horror at the mutual agreement that the two had on something. Crocodile and Doflamingo agreeing on something? This was sure to end badly.

"Would someone contact Mihawk? We can't just wait around all day."

A terrified marine ran into the room, but immediately turned into stone as he laid his eyes on the Pirate Empress. Sengoku resisted the urge to face-palm.

"Fine, I'll have to do it _myself!_" Sengoku growled, standing up and striding over to the Den Den Mushi. Well, he _tried _to stride, unfortunately Doflamingo saw this as a good opportunity to stick his legs out and Sengoku tripped rather ungracefully over them.

Ignoring the laughing flamingo man, Sengoku picked up the receiver to Mihawk's personalized snail.

After ringing for several seconds, the receiver was picked up on the other side. Sengoku had to pull his receiver away to save his ear drums.

"Heeeey, Akagami no Shanks, here, is this the newest Sake delivery?"

Silence prevailed, before a snort of laughter erupted from the meeting table. In the background they could hear the loud sounds of a party.

"Hello...Is Hawk-eyes anywhere?" Sengoku said hesitantly.

"Hawkyyyyy, someone wants to talk to you," Shanks drunkenly slurred on the other end.

They could hear someone crashing about and then heard Mihawks voice clearly through the speaker, "I won't talk unless you give me my pants back. I need them."

Everyone in the room's expressions turned to shock and Sengoku almost dropped the receiver.

"I think you interrupted a private moment Sengoku," Boa Hankcock spoke up her voice dripping with suggestiveness.

"Yeeeeees, very private. We're having lots of fun aren't we Dracula!" replied Shanks, unfortunately not realizing the implications of his comment.

The Shichibukai were still in varying degrees of shock, the worst being Doflamingo who had fallen off his chair laughing.

Then they heard Mihawk speaking again, "It would be a lot better if you would untie me from this chair!"

Garp erupted in laughter, "I'd never have thought you'd be the 'submissive' type Hawk Eyes!"

This seemed to panic Mihawk "No, no,no, no you've got this all wrong. I...We...Just no!" he exclaimed sounding rather embarrassed. "They only tied me up because-"

However he was interrupted at this point by another voice.

"Captain, what are you doing on your own in here with Hawk Eyes. You normally let one or two of us join in."

Jinbei spat out the glass of water he had just taken a sip from. Crocodile laughed nervously.

"Shanks who's on the other end?" Mihawk asked suddenly realizing that nobody apart from Shanks and Sengoku had his Den Den Mushi.

"Who's here?" they then heard Shanks ask sullenly.

Garp and Sengoku looked at each other before deciding to tell the truth. "Sengoku, several Vice-Admirals and all the Shichibukai apart from Hawk-Eyes,"

The other end fell silent for a few seconds before. "Shit, I forgot about that meeting." Mihawk exclaimed.

This was the first time that anyone in the room had ever heard Mihawk express emotion let alone swear. Kuma dropped his bible.

"Untie me this instant!" Mihawk demanded. They heard grumbling and then the sound of something being cut.

"You're no fun at all, hawky-pies," Shanks moaned, "But look on the bright side! At least I managed to cut all that hair off. It was getting in the way."

By now, even Kuma seemed to be smirking.

"Oi, next time you come around, invite that flamingo guy. I bet _he _knows how to have fun!"

Doflmaingo actually paled.

"Where are you?" Sengoku demanded.

"Somewhere in the New World. To be honest, I can't really remember..."

"We're on Raftel!" Shanks called from behind, "Oh, looks like Kaido's turned up to join the party!"

Sengoku by this point had developed quite a few grey hairs.

"Oi, I have a message for Jinbe. Is he there?" Yasopp called.

Sengoku speechlessly handed the reciever over to the fishman.

"Yes?" Jinbe asked cautiously.

"Whitebeard asked whether you were free tomorrow to make sure all of the marines are out of the way for the attack on Mariejois."

Silence once again fell upon the room.

"Attack?" Tsuru inquired weakly.

"On Mariejois?" Sengoku finished.

"You know, maybe you should call back later..."

* * *

Early the next morning, a disheveled Mihawk finally arrived at the Marine HQ to find the entire Shichibukai playing an interesting game of strip poker.

"Hawky!" Doflamingo smirked, wearing only his colourful pants and sunglasses.

The swordsman in question glared, but the effect was somewhat lessened with his newly triangular beard and moustache.

"Kishishishi! You look hilarious!" Moria cackled.

"Oh, so _that's _what Shanks meant. Shame," Garp grinned.

"What did you think he meant?" Mihawk asked scathingly.

"You wish us to repeat i-"

"No!"

* * *

When Whitebeard attacked the following morning, he found all seven Shichibukai and high-ranked marines _completely_ unprepared for the attacked. When unprepared came in the form of hung-over. After all, you could always tell a meeting was unsuccessful when the only item of clothing on _anyone _in the room was Doflamingo's sun-glasses. No-one ever _did _find out what the meeting had been about...

* * *

**THE END**

**A/N: Well that was amusing to write. This oneshot is dedicated to DirectionallyChallengesKenshi, 'cos its her birthday today:)**

**This was co-written with my little sister, but she can't be bothered to make an account. Hope you enjoyed this incredibly weird and random story :D**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned One Piece, this would be canon.**

**Anzhela D Asura**


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